Updated: Dec 30, 2020
My oldest screamed all night for her dad. I remember crying like this for my dad at 6 yrs old. It was always cold and silent as I drifted off to sleep. I completely numbed myself.
I tried my best to place myself in her shoes & comfort her. But it went on for hours and she almost had an asthma attack. I was so exhausted and short-tempered. I knew the aftereffects of her tears, lack of sleep & pain would carry into today.
I have major mom guilt today. I woke up just wanting to crawl into a hole & hide. I don't feel like "being strong" in this area of my life right now. There are so many areas that require "Strong" It's become routine that this area goes neglected. There are plenty of moms that don't mention it because they don't want to be a "complainer, negative or too sensitive." But after a while, it's just a form of people-pleasing and ignoring our needs.
"I don't want to mom" It's exhausting being the most responsible one in everything I'm involved in. There is no hiding from being a mom though. It's not just a weekend or through holiday experience. You have to show up every day -- even more potent than the last day.
I am finding it better to express vs. suppress openly. I believe I've located my tribe, and I only reach out to those that can truly relate. It's easier to share our truths and add real value to one another. But mostly, hand it over to God. I appreciate these little reminders.
So far, the top three ways my daughter copes is by performing yoga, making art, and riding her bike; the only downside to it is that if I had something else planned for the day then it takes me off track with my goals.
How about you? What's helping?
How are you feeling today, mom? 💗