An open letter to my 365 pound self
Updated: Oct 2, 2021
Mental labor is fare more difficult than physical labor
I know I’m the last person you expected to hear from. Knowing your current state you’re likely irritated by the sound of your own voice & future existence. But yes, we made it! The battlefield in our mind is quite heavy. I’m learning along the way that it’s very clear that trauma, rejection and self-doubt play a larger role than I’d prefer during this journey of becoming. Please understand that the mental labor is far more difficult than the physical labor.
And only one will actually move us forward. Before the journey, people were kind but no one ever empowered and challenged you. So my objective is to make things lighter but also challenge your thought process.
Forgive me if this is too straightforward but please explain how you want to be successful but also disappear? Before getting defensive, let this marinate.
Even suicde requires effort
My dear, even suicide takes effort. It would actually require getting out of bed & missing an episode of Law & Order SVU to accomplish such a thing. By the way, you’ve already seen this episode and we haven’t watched television in about 3 years. So whatever you’re currently watching adds no more value to our future than what it’s doing for you at this very moment. It’s pure entertainment. But no worries. We’re still highly entertained without a show to binge-watch won't now, perspective, association & experience shape our world view.
It’s understood that time is one of our greatest assets. I may have lost you here. But if you could remove your hand from that chocolate & oatmeal cookie tray you could hear me out. And it may be a shorter climb for me up the Stair Master today! Every time I’m drenched in sweat, gasping for a breath & close to puking I think of those cookies. I doubt you’re aware just how many calories per cookie it is so I went ahead and looked it up for you. It’s about 290 an apiece wouldn’t suggest eating 5 of them before noon again.
Getting better vs. keeping it all together
Wait...are you chewing? Show some respect sister, we’re down 155 pounds! Yes, you! You’re a beast, From a Size 28 to a Size 10! And let me tell you, it is amazing to walk past a mirror and not dread the sight of yourself. It’s relieving to attend events & shows you love without focusing on what you're carrying around. It’s exciting to go into any clothing store you like & not beat yourself down based on what you can no longer fit into. More importantly, it’s beautiful to just focus on getting better vs. keeping it all together & actually fastening our seat belt! It’s interesting that even once we got down 100 pounds, we had anxiety thinking we would still need the extension. But it fits- every time!
Faith is doing the work, without seeing the results & trusting the process
Now, I’ll bet you’re standing, cookie-free and on your way to the nearest gym, right? As much as I am congratulating you on your success I also have to take notice of how ridiculous it is knowing we will work that much harder with confirmation we’ve succeeded but won’t move an inch believing we will. Faith is doing the work, without seeing the results & trusting the process. “Knowing” work ethic will reward us - in due time. A wise mentor once explained to me that our success rises and falls on our level of belief in everything we do. Yes, you invested in a mentor!
"Despite hardships, we choose to win anyway
I know this update sounds like more of a responsibility than a relief. But I want to be transparent and give you fair warning that nothing is any easier for us in 2019. Despite hardships, we choose to win anyway. In fact, I recently gained some of the weight back just as I did last year. But the difference between then and now is our mindset. Had this been the old NauBriana, I’d just gain it all back and refuse to acknowledge what seems so obvious today. What I’m trying to say say that without continuing to develop the mindset for success, the body you’ve earned will easily return to 365 pounds.
Developing Mental Toughness
Another message I’m trying to convey is that the state you’re in is the easiest it’s ever going to be. Whether we believe it or not; we’re in the best position right now than we'll ever be, to pursue the life we truly desire. Every day we get a little older, something else hurts and a new problem arises. You will never view this world in any better shape until you actually change your world and become a contribution to it. Everyone in your circle right now (friends, family, associates) you have no real relationship with today. This update may bring tears to your eyes but I also hope you comprehend just how useless it is to prioritize all of their needs over your own. Until this day, the mental toughness developed through these last 3 years is much more valuable to you - the weight loss is just a bonus.
Choose Gratitude
You'll need to remember who you are and where you’ve come from so you'll always choose gratitude. We’re so much stronger than this. We have to stop wishing our lives were different & things worked in our favor the way it seems to work for others. Our self-talk just needed to improve. This is the life we were given and I don't believe it was given to us specifically if we weren't able to bear it.
Setting goals, a deadline & showing grace
Lastly, focus on today. Win today to feel good about tomorrow. Win tomorrow to feel good about next week. Win next week to feel good about the consistency. Feel good about the consistency that produces the work it requires to stay consistent! How can it be our year if we can’t make today our day? One of the biggest mistakes we've made was setting goals without a deadline & giving ourselves the year instead of what’s promised to us. Pretend we never talked and all you know of is today. There's way more fight left and I look forward to the day we experience it. We've got this!